I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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