$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
