A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
