i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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