You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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