Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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