If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
