I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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