I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
