Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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