Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
