We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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