Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
