broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
