it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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