She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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