If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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