Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
