Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
