Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
