do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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