My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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