hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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