Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
