just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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