You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
