I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
