Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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