If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
