I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
