My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
