physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
