Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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