It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
