I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize