I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
