At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
