i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
