you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
