Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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