We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
