This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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