I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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