drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
