Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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