Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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