okay pat passed out under dana's car
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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