btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
