New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
