So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
