It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
