Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I deserve this hangover.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
