I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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