atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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