apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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