He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
