he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
