Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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