Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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