Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
