You work out of a Hotel?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
