If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
