hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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