i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
