I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
