Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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