We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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