I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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