he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him