So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?