i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
