Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger