I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
