New low: just hacked my moms facebook
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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