that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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