I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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