What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
